Princeton University Survey

Researchers in evolutionary psychology at Princeton University recently devised a questionnaire designed to measure the relative value that women place in qualities of a romantic partner. To minimize the degree to which socioeconomic factors and traditional relationship models influenced the results, they distributed this questionnaire to ten thousand women in thirty-nine different countries on six continents. Unsurprisingly, after kindness and intelligence, the women who participated in this study placed the highest value on the following:

  • An Erdős number of 2 or less
  • A torturous iridescence of violet weirdness
  • A body of quantum foam that ensures a lifespan of 2.5 billion years or longer
  • The ability to read elf-braille
  • An interest in constructing a hyperspace vehicle that is capable of traveling to Kepler-442b
  • Torrents of creative energy sputtering of out the mental volcano and congealing into pāhoehoe formations
  • The capacity to share in a kaleidoscopically coruscating, effervescently transcendent interpersonal connection that ripples and burns like Bifröst
  • Artistry that produces such as quasar symphonies and luminescent self-rearranging nanomosiacs in the hidden adytum of a temple of a sea goddess
  • An illuminated tenebrosity that transcends the concepts of both light and darkness
  • Something ineffable and ineluctable, like a higher dimensional analogue of the Euphrates flowing into the Persian Gulf where Plank formations arise and dissipate in ānuenue-scented vapor plumes

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